Monday, November 10, 2008

True Gangsters

Chicago Police are out for blood tonight. One of their own was killed and now the southside is crawling with them everywhere you can cut the tension with a knife. I can't vouch for any other city but in Chicago the PD is the biggest gang most times it feels like the act with no laws. For once I can say Al Sharpton was not bullshitting about them when he went up against Daley about the Olympics coming here.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Go Outside!

It's snowing Chicago! Even though this marks the begining of the months that separates the mice from the men in Chicago, I can never help getting incredibly nostalgic at the first snow of the season. It's like something clean in the air and everything smells fresh. The night seems clearer and days brighter makes you want to pull on thick socks, grab a blanket and open your window to just breathe it in.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Gun Sales Are Booming

The news break on HNN just said that gun sales are booming since Obama was elected. They say it's because "people" feel that a new president and democratic control could mean stricter gun laws. Hmmm.... Sounds like stockpiling to me.

Thursday, November 6, 2008


I hate when it rains in the fall. The leaves stick to everything, namely my shoes.

The Alchemist

Twice in my life I’ve run into the right book at the right time. I’ve read a lot of things that have taught me something new or enlightened my mind but it’s a feeling you get when you read something so profound that just clicks on a light in your brain, that’s what I’ve had two times. The first time was in 2001 when I read For the Time Being by Annie Dillard, I won’t go into that now cause I’ll go off in a tangent, and this time it is the Alchemist. I haven’t gotten that far only to page 67 so don’t worry about spoilers anyone (and if you haven’t gotten to page 67 stop reading now) but already I have that click. The story is about a shepherd boy who abandons all he knows and has to go off in search of his Personal Legend. In the story he runs into a King who explains to him that everyone has a Personal Legend waiting for them to realize it and once you set your wants on something the universe will set things in motion for you to get it. This is an extremely vague summary of this story so far but this is the basis of the point I’m trying to make. Now I have read the Secret by Rhonda Bryne and I do believe in invoking positivity to attract the things I want and the power of that but the perspective of that concept Paul Coelho creates is an eye opener for me. I wonder all the time if I’m preventing myself from realizing my dreams because I can’t step out on that faith and not depend so much on the things I “need” to have to make me, me. I actively “pursue” all of my dreams. I put pursue in quotations because I know, because I can be honest with myself, that I don’t even live up to half my potential while pursuing those dreams and I know that’s a result of me clinging to what I know instead of reaching for what I could have. I dream of having 2 things at this point in my life:

Creative Freedom: I want to write so bad. And I have; I write for myself and for this both of which don’t really count because that’s so safe and I’ll never be able to know the feeling of someone else enjoying the words I wrote and knowing they were from me. This blog while offering me an outlet that was much needed is anonymous it’s me but it’s not me I could bear my soul to you and walk past you on the street and never know the difference. Not that I want fame for my creativity but I would like to know that feeling to stand and say yes that came from me. I’ve been writing since I was a little girl making up illustrated story books for my Dad to read and I’ve never stopped, books are my life line and words are my food so it’s always come natural to me to express myself in this way. I dream to go further with it though I dream for my own ISBN numbers. I dream of taking that step and submitting my work to literary agents and getting published. What’s holding me back? Fear of rejection, which is strange for me to admit because usually I could care less what people think or say but what I write is so personal to me, it’s with me. If someone said something harsh about it I’m not afraid to say it would hurt. I’m also afraid of not being accepted as a writer. I didn’t study anything that would lead me into that career, nothing on paper so that makes me apprehensive. In this book though the boy learns very fast that there is a language spoke by everyone and it’s a language of enthusiasm and wanting something of your own. So if I have the same passion as the next writer what’s stopping me?

Professional Freedom: Starting my own business is something that I've wanted to do seriously for the past 4 years. My idea is practical, realistic and I think it has true potential. I've been working on my business plan for about 2 months and my brainstorm is begining to evolve into a blueprint. So what's holding me back? Fear of losing or drastically decreasing my current lifestyle. Fear of failure, get this, fear of sucess. Is that strange? Let me explain that. I wrote a young adult novel about 4 girls and I have so much more of their story to tell I can feel another story in me maybe even more. But I worry that if i achieve sucess with the first one maybe my creativity machine will dry up and I won't be able to produce. But again that's a limitation I place on myself.

Stepping out on faith for me means fully relying on the talents I have and taking the road I know in my heart and desire is right. The career I have now jobs I've had have only been stepping stones to learn and grow on until I reach my dream.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Dear Mr. President

Dear Mr. President,

You have cracked my view of America and for that I am grateful. I have grown to have a sick sense of comfort in living the wrong way because although I had hoped I never dreamed things could be right. I have lived in this country feeling like a visitor, a stranger, a refuge placed here under a system and a constitution that called me an incomplete person. I have cried here many times but the first tear of joy fell on your victory. As I have said before I don’t trust politicians, I am not a hypocrite; I am a radical so I still must hold to my own beliefs but you Mr. President changed history and anyone that can’t raise their hand to that has no pulse. My people came here in shackles and you are now standing amongst the men who once ruled over a country that condoned that fact. How strange this feels to know your face will be next to theirs in history.

Because of what I believe I have never encouraged integration, I have never felt that we needed to strive to be with them, do what they do and have what they have. I have however encouraged segregation to give Us a chance to repair our wounds without feeling the need to taint our race with their opinions and rules. But when I saw those thousands of people in Grant Park, in my city together I realized that this is not the same country that hardened me.

My niece has a white friend. I have censored myself from discouraging that relationship because I don’t want to teach her hate but I have to be honest and admit that I didn’t like it. I grew up in Englewood in Chicago, and for those of you who have never had the pleasure I will tell you Chicago was so segregated in some areas to see a white person growing up, who didn’t work in my school, was like an oddity. I grew in that segregated world never wanting to mix and even guarding myself and my secrets from these outsiders. She did not grow up in that world, for so long I feared for her future because of that but now I envy her for it. Not because I want white friends, because I feel that those youth who didn’t grow up with the barriers that I did achieved something in you Mr. President that I don’t think I can appreciate the way that they can. I see in you what I hoped for them and seeing that dream achieved is where my appreciation lies.

I have never expected much from the government before you, before you snatched that carrot off the stick we’ve been chasing for decades. I have never ever supported this “democracy”, because of you I can now remove my sarcastic quotes, democracy. I have never believed that following this system will lead us to our destination. My militant way of thinking has always steered me clear of this government and political system allowing me only to visit every now and then to vote and pay homage to those who tried to change things before me but now as I watched you break 300 in electoral votes, hope glimmered just a bit in that corner of my mind where I have dumped the lost causes. Because I still must hold up my end of the bargain for my people and fight for what is right; because I will hold you to your word and we may disagree, I will thank you now. I will thank you for a feeling I have never had, pride in the country I live in. Thank you.

The people are sovereign in America and because of what we did last night I can speak that statement as truth.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


I voted for Obama just 2 blocks from where Emmit Till's funeral services were held. Damn.