The Quote of The Day reminds me of this song.....Enjoy!
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
Oh the things I dreamed of doing to him in my little adolescent mind.
P.S. I think we all know who Thoreau is, but if not see below....
Monday, September 29, 2008
The Quote of The Day reminds me of this song.....Enjoy!
Fly y'all bird ass back to Philly
Saturday, September 27, 2008
A survey I posted a while back and a situation that exploded in my house last night made me realize something about myself. I have a lot of rage in me. I recently realized how many of my emotions, sadness, hurt, fear, uncertainty and the list goes on, I can turn into rage or anger and that’s crazy because I considered myself a happy person. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism, because I have been told many times that I can be defensive. As much as I don’t want to I can’t help but relate the rage and anger I have realized I create to my father. It’s not a secret to anyone that knows my family that my brother and I inherited the notorious temper of my father. I know how far I can go when provoked and I am well aware of what it takes from someone else to get me there but to realize I’m creating those feelings out of other emotions is a scary thought.
Just recently, the why of this I haven’t yet figured out, I’ve found myself wanting to understand him more. I’ve been thinking about all the questions and doubt I have had for so long more often but only just recently have I actually wanted answers. I can’t help but think that this revelation I have had about myself is a way of the universe providing me with a piece of what I have been asking for. All my life I believed him to be this angry, vengeful person. And I believed those flaws came from selfishness and just pure nastiness but I never thought that maybe that was his defensive mechanism too. Maybe he channeled his feelings into that temper like I do. It’s crazy to be so much like him, I’ve always recognized the similarities cause shit he has my face or vice versa, but character traits and flaws, mannerisms, motives those are the things that freak me out. Because I’m taking this enlightenment as a gift it gives me hope that the questions I have will be answered or at least explained enough so I can put them to rest but, they will come in their own time and fashion. I can’t rush it, or force it, or get mad because I don’t know right now cause it will be a waste of time. I’ll take that connection between me and him and try to understand his ways, and maybe even eventually be a peace with it.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Let's Go Bears, LET'S GO!!!!!!
*side eying Briggs, Tillman, Urlacher and Ogunleye salivating at McNabb* It'd be a good idea to have a pep talk with that offensive line Donovan cause these fools don't play.
Damn, I enjoyed this battle. And look at that black folks nobody got shot, bring it back to the essence of hip hop have it out on wax and tracks.
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. Josh Billings
This quote makes me think of this song....
Thursday, September 25, 2008
From the previous post just cause I was curious Francis Duffy (1871 - 1932) was a Roman Catholic priest. Click the link below if you wanna know...
Few people blame themselves until they have exhausted all other possibilities. Francis Duffy
Accepting blame is a hard thing to do. I’ve only recently, after 20 some odd years of living, began to start looking at the girl in the mirror while (and notice I said while) placing the blame on someone else. With every action there is a reaction and with every effect there has to be a cause so most of the time when something has “happened” to me in my life I am wise enough now to begin to see the part I played in the series of events. I’m really good at crying the blues. I’m not sorry about that but it is something that I know I do it’s a character trait. I’m the baby of my immediate family and the youngest of most of my first and second cousins and because of this most of my family members especially the men treat me like a baby. I honestly don’t remember when I stopped using that to my advantage out of reflex or purpose but however so, it works when I cry people come running. I think because I’ve been doing this for so long apparently I’m good at it because I have the same effect on boyfriends and friends. Even now with my husband we could fight about something that I’m completely to blame for and I cry damsel in distress and POOF he’s apologizing. But see I realized that this doesn’t necessarily work in my advantage because I can’t grow from that. I hardly ever had to accept blame or fault for my actions, it was always someone else’s fault because they should have been watching me or told me better. I have been taught remorse and humility well, because even though I was raised spoiled my mother and father also raised me with values, but it’s one thing to learn and another to experience.
The lessons that I have learned the best have been those that came with living with “tough shit that’s the way it is so deal” situations. The strongest lessons have been those that no body could swoop in and save me from, the ones that I had to deal with and accept the role that I played in their occurrence. Before I fell madly in love with my husband I was extremely guarded and I almost missed my mate because of it. I carried a wall around me because I was so scarred by my ex and the relationship we had. In the 6 years we spent together there were so many fights, cheating, hurtful words and actions and everything that love is not that you can think of. Most of the things were performed by him; I was devoted, dedicated, loyal and even doting at times, accepting everything he did. After so much hurt and embarrassment I finally broke it off and that was that but I still carried around all of the past around me like a shield and trust it was visible for miles, I blamed him for that. We have since dealt with the pass and buried it. I needed to close that off from my heart and with that came a couple conversations with him just getting it all off my chest. He apologized and rightfully so, the person that he was, we were, he isn’t any more and he realizes now he was wrong. But after I gave myself the freedom of forgiving him I came to the realization that I was to blame in the situation as well. When he cheated I could have walked but I stayed. When he did awful things to me that fucked with my spirit and self esteem I could have left him but I didn’t. He told me through his actions with a volume equivalent of him screaming it through a megaphone that he was no good for me and I needed to leave but I didn’t listen, and for that I am to blame. A person can only do to you what you allow, in most situations. But back to the quote that sparked this blog today excepting blame is important but I think there is something purely humane in learning to share the burden in addition to forgiving those who have wronged you.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
So I didn't make it through work today, and if you have been reading the previous posts, you can understand why I don't feel bad for leaving early. I feel like crap and I took theraflu but it's not making me feel better. I absolutely HATE being sick because I get ugly sick. I try to stay away from people when I'm sick because y'all, I get UGLY sick. So ugly that I have to tell this story to explain. When I turned 21 and I needed my license renewed I kept putting it off and putting it off until the deadline hit and my Mom gave me the Mrs. Boss stare down and told me to get my ass to the secretary of state immediately. Well on this particular day I was just on the other side of a battle with the stomach flu (and actually this post is therapeutic because I remember that shit and I thought for a while there, as I was hugging the toilet and camping on the bathroom floor, that I would die and it kind of makes this feel like cake). So, I'm busted, y'all BUSTED standing in the Secretary of State with the chills shivering like Halle in Loosing Isiah to get my new picture taken with the over 21 background. Long story short my ugly sick face was forever captured in the State of Illinois database and on my license.
So now every time I go out and the bouncer checks my ID at the door it never fails, they always look at the picture and at me and back at the picture and say "Damn". It's so bad that I'm like embarrassed to show it in stores when they ask for my ID for credit card purchases. I was in the airport just recently and a friendly security guy was flirting with me while checking my ticket and ID to go through security, he was in the middle of another compliment when his eyes fell on that picture and his eyes snapped back up to my face and this fool had the nerve to ask had I had surgery! About a year ago I lost my purse in the midst of a shopping frenzy in Target and after I cried my damsel in distress act in the parking lot it dawned on me like hey, stupid you lost that horrible license you get to get a new one. So my husband and I went to the Secretary of State and I got extra fly, did my hair cute. Got the most of the money I've given Sephora and did a professional worthy make-up look that would work well with the exceptional lighting they use to take the license photos. So I get up to the counter and the old hag at that station asked what I wanted, looks at me from head to toe and says "You know you can't take a new picture for a lost license, right?" I fronted like I knew that and I actually get this perfect to run errands all the time, flashed her a patented black girl thank-you-bitch smile and moved on. My husband laughed at me the whole way out of the place cause my fly pretty ass just went and picked up an ugly ass license. Damn Secretary of State.
So here's to my immune system, may it get it's shit together soon so I can go outside again without the fear of scaring small children.
My husband brought home a God awful cold last week and guess who picked it up when he dropped it? I seriously feel like someone scrapped me off the bottom of their shoe this morning so, to make myself feel better below is my favorite Tom & Jerry... (yeah I'm a big kid and cartoons make me feel better when I'm sick what you wanna do about it?)
Uncle Pecos breaks it down with the foot work in the beginning, you scared. Hilarious
Monday, September 22, 2008
Soooo...... remember the "teamwork" meeting that I was supposed to have with my boss this morning? Yeah so no surprise here but that meeting was actually about me. I come in the meeting and my boss opens up with, Well Dumbass (the nickname I have for the dumb little bitch behind the meeting) has considered leaving her position here because of your attitude and because she can't approach you. What!?!?!? Ya'll I went ape shit in this meeting and I don't think any of them bargined for what they got. I drove hard on Dumbass and forced her to give me examples of this alleged attitude and she had none so we moved on the the next topic.
There is a new person starting and reporting to Baby Huey tommorrow and she's trying to throw her lack of management skills off on me. She has had 4 people that report to her leave in the last 2 years. First she came to me and told me that she feels threatend by me because the people that report to her would rather talk to me than her. There's nothing I can do about that, I can't help having this personality and plus people will want to be around you naturally if you have a pleasant disposition and treat people half as nice as you'd like to be treated. I even went so far as cutting off contact with her employees on a personal level but again if you have poor management skills it will still effect. She starts going into how it used to frustrate her when one of her former employees said my name. Again, What!?!?!?! WTF am I supposed to do about that. Is that my problem? I'm going to make it my business to stay so far away from this new chick as possible. So when she fails at managing yet another employee maybe my boss will wake up and smell the shit someone smeared all over our department.
So, you know I'm going OFF at this point because the meeting was pointless and they thought I would just sit there and let them accuse me of angry black woman syndrome and put my thumb in my mouth. I wasn't rude or ignorant but I didn't take no shit off them either. I explained to both Dumbass and Huey that if they have a question or issue, work related, my door is always open and they can feel free to ask me whatever at will. I don't care about your kids, dog, husband, house or any other asinine shit about your personal life. So at this point Huey is ready to cry and she says, I just want a comfortable working relationship, and I said like the kind where you can ask a question and get a comprehensive answer? She said yes and I asked so how is that different from what has happened up until this point? She couldn't say anything and excused herself from the room.
Then once her posse was gone the Peacock flipped sides and agreed with everything I said, co-signing like that shit was going to make all this better. I told her I didn't appreciate being blind sided with this. Her response was I wanted to talk to you about the nature of this meeting this morning but I didn't get a chance because I arrived late this morning. I just looked at her, the meeting notice went out on Thursday and I talked to her 3 times Thursday and twice on Friday not including the hour long conference call we had Friday afternoon. Miss me with the bullshit because I'm not buying it. She had no intention of telling me what the real deal was and I'm no longer interested.
Hopefully I will be able to channel the bullshit of today into my focus to get away from this place and corporate Amerikkka as a whole. Hopefully by the time I make it to my car tonight I will have channeled this into a positive energy.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
My niece turned 13 years old. My nephew turned 11, I feel old at 25 :-) . We're having a party today at the Brunswick Zone the kids are at Laser Tag right now. They are the flyest 13 & 11 year olds I know. Everybody say...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHITNEY & TRE!!!!!
Posted by IamMe Like IT-Love IT-Hate IT at 12:52 PM
Friday, September 19, 2008
It always feels good to come home to him after I'm out of town. Just hugging him after not seeing him for a day makes me melt.
Whew! I am on my way back to the Go, I'm waiting for my flight in Dayton airport. I've been in Lima, it was a good trip but a safety audit, 2 marathon long business calls about some nastiness in one of my other branches and an hour long conference call and I'm wiped. Even when I leave the state the peacock is still fucking with me. I have to have a teamwork meeting with her and Baby Huey Monday, whatev. It's messed up cause I know what happened to everyone else is about to happen to me, anytime there is an issue with Baby Huey she's never wrong and the other person is forced to apologize in writing. Well I just might be losing my job Monday or pissing my boss off so much that she fires me eventually cause I won't be apologizing to her not now not ever.
This all started when she and I were talking one day and I stumbled upon a thought that was a good idea to act on. We brainstormed and she did put in 1 or 2 good points so I'll give her credit for that. We went to talk to my boss and during the meeting she portrayed the idea like her own, I didn't trip. My boss told us to write a proposal to submit to the President of the company. I wrote the proposal till 3 in the morning and sent it to her the next day to look over for grammer and error for a double check. She took it and turned it in as her own, I tripped and pulled out of the project let her fall on her face. Then after was promoted to Manager in a meeting my counterpart announced it and she rolled her eyes making everyone come to me afterwards wanting to know what she has against me. Strike three. She used to come in my office EVERYDAY, this is not an exaggeration, and cry about one thing or another. I cut that shit out only to have the peacock come to me about a week later asking why I don't invite Huey to lunch more often and ask her about her personal life, no lie. I went to my boss and explained to her exactly why I didn't want to work with her on any projects and why I didn't want to know her on a personal level and she acted like she understood obviously not or maybe she's having one of those pesky bouts of amnesia she has but now I have to have a fucking team meeing with this insufferable bitch to repeat what has already been said and I won't be nice. Both of them can miss me with the emotional bullshit they're kicking cause I have NO patience for that shit in the workplace. You know men expect us to be crying emotional wrecks in the workplace and she proves them right it sickens me. Flights boarding I'll rant later.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
When's the last time you ran?
Sunday, I was being chased
Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
Yes a few pair do, on purpose I bought them that way
What are you dreading right now?
Going to Ohio tomorrow
Do you celebrate 420?
Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would ya'll do?
Watch my DVR episodes of Gilmore Girls and Martin
Who last grabbed your ass?
My Hubby this morning
Have you ever been on your school's track team?
Yes, because I had a fierce crush on the coach not because I wanted to be an athlete
Do you own a pair of Converse?
Yes red chucks
Did you copy and paste this survey?
Do you eat raw cookie dough?
Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
Kicked, hit, shook, tipped damn I sound violent
Don't you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over?
I don't listen to the radio, I boycott that shit
Do you watch Trading Spaces?
Used to when it had a huge buzz, but now only when I'm surfing and land on HGTV
How do you eat oreos?
I don't, I'm not a cookie kind of girl
Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?
Are you cocky?
Could you live without a computer?
Do you wear your shoes in the house?
No, I only wear shoes when absolutely necessary or when the shoes are fab any other time I'm like a barefoot country girl
Who or what sleeps with you?
My Hubby and my fur balls
At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real?
9 but I kept up the illusion for my Mom till I was 11, my jealous brother spilled the beans
How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house?
3 two cells and a land line
What do you do when you're sad?
Cry, listen to sad music, try to turn it into anger
Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
My mom and no one else, I don't need anybody standing around with their hand out
Last time you saw your best friend?
Damn, labor day we need to hook up
Are you in high school?
No, thank God
What jewelry are you wearing?
Diamond studs and nothing else
Is anyone on your bad side now?
Yes, the peacock and Baby Huey
What's the first thing you do when you get online?
check my email
Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
used to when there was still a big buzz
How do most people spell your name?
Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes?
Yes, my Hubby sings Kanye's Flashing Lights every time I'm caught in his wife beaters or t-shirts
Where do you work?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Flying to Ohio for a branch visit
Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
Impossible, MJ is a legend and will never be duplicated
Favorite name for a girl?
Favorite name for a boy?
Will you keep your last name when you get married?
Hyphenated, maybe it depends
When was the last time you left your house?
Do you return your cart?
Do you have a dishwasher?
What noise do you hear?
the elevator dinging
Would you survive in prison?
nope, I'm a princess and proud of it
Who is the youngest in your family?
If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likey overpack?
Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
Nope I'm one of a kind
What's the last thing you purchased?
alcohol last night
Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you?
yes I'm the baby, duh
What brand are your pants right now?
Ever been to Georgia (the state)?
What irritates you most on the internet?
Spam, and excessive ads
What brand is your digital camera?
don't have one
Do you watch movies with your parents?
What song best describes your life right now?
"Everything I Am" Kanye West
Do you own expensive perfume/cologne?
Yes, cause cheap is offensive to everyone around you trust me on this
Are you taking college classes right now?
Do you like sushi?
Do you get your hair cut every month?
Do you go online everyday?
Will you pass this survey on to 5 people?
Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com
Is the funniest ish I have seen is a while, Jacob Mann ROFL.
And after all this they had that nigga passing out tacos on the top 25 moments show last night. My man Jacob couldn't even come up on stage.
This morning like every morning is hard. And because the peacock was crazy yesterday I know from experience that today will only be worse. I feel like I'm whining about this but for real I need to get out of there cause it's affecting my spirit at this point.
The only reason I haven't flat out quit is because we still have at least 2-3 months until my hubby finishes school which will make us not as dependant on my job and because we are trying to have a baby and I could use the benefits from my job for that at least for a few extra months. It's just hard for Miss Independent to have to take shit off anyone cause I need something from them.
Whatev, I'm just praying for freedom or bird catchers
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I call my boss a peacock cause she kinda resembles one and she’s always hopping around poking into things like a bird and frightens easily. She peaks and valleys with the crazy but today that shit is full on bananas. She always changes things around that she says to you or lies and tells you she said something when she really didn’t. But, today crazy was at an all time high. There’s some things changing with my position and she expected me to freak out about it but I didn’t and I think that annoyed her so now she’s manipulating things to make me freak out but I’m Teflon so I’m chillin’. She moved up the changes from nov-dec to a couple weeks from now and then got mad because I wasn’t freaked. I swear she told me 3 bold face lies today and turned around to tell my coworkers the truth (co-workers that I drink with on regular basis LMAO). She always makes a big deal out of stuff that has absolutely no urgency, she’s just crazy. The only person that thinks she’s normal is her “teachers pet”, my co-worker whom I can’t stand, Baby Huey. Literally 6’2 at least 260lbs and cries like her dog died everyday about something, anything no lie. My life is a reality show, for real.
My Ex, keeps telling me I’ve changed. I think some background is needed here, my ex and I did a 6 year bid together (LOL well it felt like jail for me ) and I was released 2 years ago. We still tolerate each other every now and then because aside from all the nastiness we are good friends, because he and I were linked through music, movies, and politics but mostly music. So we’ve been talking a lot lately about some businesses he wants to get into and he keeps telling me I’ve changed.
This all started when he realized I didn’t have Nas new cd (which I still didn’t get till last weekend) and he accused me of not loving Hip Hop anymore. He says I’m different, I’m not street anymore and my corporate job has me trippin’. I go back and forth between him being right or wrong. I mean to be honest I don’t love Hip Hop like I used to. Wow I can’t believe I wrote that, it’s sacrilegious. It more than annoys me now because of the state of things. I boycotted the radio about a year and a half ago and videos shortly after that, being that the media controlled artists have that shit on lock. I can’t see another chain, or grill or vixen it’s tiring and sad. I still try to stay on top of my game but it’s not like I used to be, I used to have quotables from anything listen worthy weeks before it dropped but now it takes me weeks to get a Nas joint? What’s really hood? Hip Hop is a huge part of me and now that it’s in the shitter and we’ve been separated for a while now (Lupe Fiasco is the one reason I haven’t filed for divorce) what does that make me today? I haven’t changed, I don’t think, my better half has.
I feel like I’m having an identity crisis every time he goes hard on me about this. Today he mentioned LL and I said James dropping a new joint is wearing me out, he said I’ve changed. 4 years ago I would have never said anything negative about LL cause I remember the good days but today I’m tired of the lip licking and the romance. I know Ladies have Loved James being that way for a long time so if he hasn’t changed does that mean I have? I’ve grown up a lot and I hoped Hip Hop would continue to grow with me but some of the shit I hear today makes me want to turn my back on it completely. This hurts too much to think about, hold ya heads…
I wonder why it is that I can not do what I'm told. Wait, seriously I sound like my mother talking to me when I was in grade school but, it's true. I'm a card carrying procrastinator, never been to a meeting because I can never seem to leave home on timeJ. I've written to-do lists, action plans, and agendas but I still can't kick my ass in gear, it's crazy.
At first I blamed it on my problem with authority because I swear I could be so excited about doing something but the moment someone even suggests that I do it I loose all interest. I can't have anyone telling me what to do and that shit is severe, I've even decided not to go see movies because someone said, "you have to see this movie!" What is that? But now I disrespect my own authority on myself!! I tell my self, self you have to do A, B, and C this morning and I still won't do it. I have to have freedom and the ability to go on my own steam with no rules, orders or direction. I know this isn't realistic but a girl can dream can't she?
Monday, September 15, 2008
Man, this some bullshit.
Even after dominating this game for the first half, even after we sent Delhomme back to the sidelines after a sack that left little tweety birds flying around his head, even though they were playing without Steve Smith cause he socked Lucas punk ass the bad news Bears couldn't make it happen.
Man, this some bullshit.
Devin is hurt (WTF Chicago are we made of freakin glass???) Greg Olsen is on my shit list and will be until he starts showing up Game Day with super glue on his hands.
Meanwhile....Rex is still working out on the sidelines with his helmet on LMAO! Pssst Rex you're not playing we're sick of you it's Orton's show now. P.S. Kyle didn't have any turnovers Whoop Whoop but he's still over throwing baby steps people baby steps it could be worse...
Heroes Pimp!! Back in full effect and I take back all of the nastiness I spat about the writers in Hollywood when I thought they'd killed one of my favorite shows.
Any of you who don't know what Heroes is I'm not talking to you, but this is by far the one of the most anticipated moments of my present. (can you tell I'm excited?) Can you imagine? One day you wake up and realize you have a super power you can fly or you realize you can read minds. What would be your super power and why?
Me I don't need no super power cause I'm a superwoman don't forget that :-)
This girl is wearing me out with her style she's not afraid to be dark, edgy, hood, sexy, or different, go on girl. Check out Miss Sol-Angel at Fashion Rocks '08.
Oh My life *sigh*
I'm in my ergonomically correct cell waiting on 5pm. This mf'er blows believe me, I sit all day with fake smiles and fake interest in boring convo's trying to figure out how much longer Miss Independent will last. Someday soon if God is at least conscious I will be emancipated but I'm still waiting on the text message.