Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Growing vs. Changing

My Ex, keeps telling me I’ve changed. I think some background is needed here, my ex and I did a 6 year bid together (LOL well it felt like jail for me ) and I was released 2 years ago. We still tolerate each other every now and then because aside from all the nastiness we are good friends, because he and I were linked through music, movies, and politics but mostly music. So we’ve been talking a lot lately about some businesses he wants to get into and he keeps telling me I’ve changed.

This all started when he realized I didn’t have Nas new cd (which I still didn’t get till last weekend) and he accused me of not loving Hip Hop anymore. He says I’m different, I’m not street anymore and my corporate job has me trippin’. I go back and forth between him being right or wrong. I mean to be honest I don’t love Hip Hop like I used to. Wow I can’t believe I wrote that, it’s sacrilegious. It more than annoys me now because of the state of things. I boycotted the radio about a year and a half ago and videos shortly after that, being that the media controlled artists have that shit on lock. I can’t see another chain, or grill or vixen it’s tiring and sad. I still try to stay on top of my game but it’s not like I used to be, I used to have quotables from anything listen worthy weeks before it dropped but now it takes me weeks to get a Nas joint? What’s really hood? Hip Hop is a huge part of me and now that it’s in the shitter and we’ve been separated for a while now (Lupe Fiasco is the one reason I haven’t filed for divorce) what does that make me today? I haven’t changed, I don’t think, my better half has.

I feel like I’m having an identity crisis every time he goes hard on me about this. Today he mentioned LL and I said James dropping a new joint is wearing me out, he said I’ve changed. 4 years ago I would have never said anything negative about LL cause I remember the good days but today I’m tired of the lip licking and the romance. I know Ladies have Loved James being that way for a long time so if he hasn’t changed does that mean I have? I’ve grown up a lot and I hoped Hip Hop would continue to grow with me but some of the shit I hear today makes me want to turn my back on it completely. This hurts too much to think about, hold ya heads…